After MONTHS of agonizing, scheming, planning, praying, and generally feeling as if I have an elephant on my chest, I finally did it tonight. I finished my grad school essay and I submitted my application for the MSW to Rutgers University. If accepted I will start school in January. If not accepted, well I don’t know from there.
This past week I had all but given up on my application. I was tired, I was stressed, and my boss was driving me crazy. My families I work with were driving me crazy. I was ready to quit my job and turn into a hermit who lives in the woods. During my supervision on Friday I had it out with my boss and told her all my frustrations and how I felt betrayed by her. She stayed calm and told me that there are always exceptions to every rule and that is just how the world works. When I told her I was no longer applying for school she got mad at me and asked why. I said I couldn’t do my job, go to school, and get everything done. She looked away and said “whatever.” Naturally this made me furious. I don’t like being dismissed.
So tonight I had some time to think while my husband was out. I am literally worn out physically, mentally, and emotionally. If I don’t get this degree I can’t move up in the field and I will be stuck at my current job forever. If I go to school it’s going to cost a lot of money and time and possibly all of the little sanity I have left. But the time has come to move on because I can’t do anything else unless I get this degree.
So here goes nothing. Or something. We shall see!!