Merry Sickmas Everybody!

My husband has been sick since Thanksgiving. We both had sinus infections. Now we both have the flu. Fun times in the Hansen Household. We are calling ourselves the Contaminated Coughing Catastrophes.

I am sick of tissues with snot. I am tired of coughing. I am physically exhausted by the simplest things because I can barely get off the couch. Today was the first day neither of us woke up with a major fever. We decided to be brave and go get some groceries. Our short drive to and from the store and buying groceries took the same amount of effort I expect it takes mountain climbers to scale Everest. We were absolutely exhausted to say the least. My husband and I have rival teams for American Football (Me Philadelphia Eagles, Him New York Giants) and usually we watch separately so nobody has to be annoyed or frustrated with the other. We watched the game together because we were too tired to walk upstairs. Very pathetic I know. But my team did clinch the NFC East Championship so YAY!

We had Christmas with my brothers at my house on December 20th because my one brother was in from Michigan for my grandfather’s funeral. It was a quiet affair and I feel like I let everyone down because I was so stressed from work and trying to get stuff done as well as being depressed in general after losing my grandfather. Next year I will try to do a better job and be a better host.

Then my last day of work December 24th. Everyone else got to leave work at 2pm. I stayed until 5:30pm and then I was forced to leave so I could get to Christmas Eve dinner at my husband’s mother’s house. We had a nice but exhausting evening with everyone and then Christmas with his family was done.

Wake up on Christmas Day and my husband is running a 103 degree fever. Lovely. We opened our few gifts to each other and then spent the day watching movies and sleeping until we had to go to Christmas dinner at his mother’s house. We ate, we snuggled with my niece and nephew. We ignored the fact that their father wasn’t there because oh yeah there’s a pending divorce.

I know it’s probably because I’m sick and exhausted and depressed but I feel like the sun will never shine again in my life. That 2020 will just be another year of the same old same old. I know I sound bitter and resentful and ridiculous, but right now I’m not in a good head space. I missed going to an even I had been looking forward to since October because I was sick. We missed going to see the new Star Wars movie because we were both sick and had to return the tickets. This vacation was supposed to be fun and relaxing and instead it has been snotty and miserable.

I know technically laying around because I’m sick is considered “relaxing” but we all know sick relaxing and real relaxing are two totally different things.

I promise to try to make my next post a little more cheerful. Maybe…

 

 

I’ve Become So Numb

My Pop-Pop passed away on Sunday, December 8th. He was not my bio grandfather but he was the only grandfather I knew on that side of the family. My bio grandfather died when I was two years old. He looks like he was a nice gent. But my Pop-Pop I grew up with was a spitfire. He could make you laugh and ten minutes later make you cry. My grandmother married him when I was 8 years old and I remember him wearing a sombrero and starting a conga line all around the bar they were having the reception at. He always had a joke for you or a sarcastic comment.

He has not been doing well in the last couple of years and has kind of been a cantankerous brat to my grandmother. He made it to 98 so I guess I have to give him a break for that. It’s just weird that he’s gone. The funeral is on Wednesday this week and I don’t really know why I’m not sad. Maybe because he was suffering so much and causing my grandmother so much heartache? I just feel numb. Like okay this is one more thing we have to get through before this year is over.

Add all of that to my job and the crying, screaming, meltdowns galore, and being on call this week as well. I am literally crawling over the finish line of this year. But I am going to finish and so are you. My Pop-Pop has a new glorious body that isn’t aching, breaking, or taking the life out of him so that’s something to celebrate.

Sorry for the randomness here. Tired and just needed to get some thoughts out.

poppop

This is my Pop-Pop and Grandmom at my wedding in 2010. Aren’t they adorable?!