I Ate My Feelings And They Were Delicious

Yesterday was a rough one at work. I have not been feeling well the last 5 days and yesterday it took all my energy to get through my work day. I only had one meeting with a family yesterday and it was an intake which is usually a piece of cake. This was not one of those days.

I can’t really go into details due to privacy laws but suffice to say that by the end a mother was crying and a father had reduced me to lower then dirt. I left feeling worse then I have in a long time. I was totally broken hearted at what I had heard and witnessed during that 3 hour meeting (which was only supposed to take 90 minutes tops). I did not cry but rather felt deeply hurt and somewhat angry at what had transpired.

Divorce can be ugly. It rips apart two that have become one and expects them to move on and function the same. You cannot rip apart a soul and expect no consequences and I get that. But the amount of vitriol, cruelty, and just plain meanness that I have witnessed between two different families I work with leaves me stunned. You are both parents. You don’t have to love or like one another but you DO have to co-parent. A child is not a bargaining chip or property. They are a person with feelings and even the most disabled of my children I work with can sense when something is way off. Just because one cannot speak does not mean they are dumb.

So after grabbing some groceries, my husband took me out to dinner. And I was hurting so I decided I didn’t care about my low carb diet, I didn’t care about the rules and my blood sugar and the weight I needed to lose. I wanted comfort and I wanted it immediately. So I ate foods I know that I shouldn’t that were high in carbs and also high in comfort. And my god they were delicious! My taste buds singed and danced at the forgotten taste of a roll and later, ice cream. And today while running errands I continued my stupid eating pattern.

And where did all this delicious, although harmful, eating get me. So much sicker then I already was. Stomach clenching pain and other gross details you can probably guess at. So the comfort, in other words, was short lived. Now I could beat myself up for not only not getting to the gym this week while also eating like crap yesterday and half of today but I’m not going to do that. I messed up, it’s time to move on. I already feel crappy physically I don’t need to add mentally to the mix.

So my feelings tasted delicious in the moment but later were like a poison. I guess I’m going to have to continue to work on talk about my feelings instead of eating them. Let’s see how it goes.