It’s Going To Be A Mental Game

Can I just say that I am grateful for my husband? This man is amazing and has the capacity to put up with so…much…whining. It’s day one of the fitness challenge I am in and I was completely intimidated by my workout routine my trainer gave me. I almost quit before I even started because it just seemed like too much. But my lovely, lovely husband made me go and told me to do my best. So off we went.

I whined, complained, said I was going to quit about 5 times, almost cried at one point, but still I finished. I had to replace one exercise with another and modify another exercise due to having zero core strength, but STILL I FINISHED. I ate semi-decently and even though I would LOVE a snack right now I know I’ve eaten slightly over my calories and that it’s a bad idea. My husband is right there with me and we are trying to distract ourselves with doing things like blogging and watching TV.

This challenge is going to be a mental game for me. How bad do I really want this? Am I ready to make the changes necessary to improve my health permanently? I guess only time will tell. Thanks for listening ❤

Kickoff Night

Well ladies and gents I just started my 56 day journey to getting healthier and eating better. I have included some pictures below of our first night together as a group below. It was definitely a party to kick this whole challenge off. We had a DJ, lights, balloons, the works! The trainers were definitely all hyped up on caffeine and energy drinks because it was getting late and they were still bouncing off the walls. My friend/brother in law came over and hugged me at one point and told me he was proud of me for trying this.

I am scared of failure. I am scared of eating my way out of all the work I’m going to do.  My trainer gave me a new workout schedule and holy smokes did it blow the top off the last one she gave me. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to be able to walk or function with the level these are at. But I guess I have to try. Wish Me Luck!!

The Plotting Begins

Here is where the trainers plotted before the challenge!

 

Kickoff Entrance

Entrance to the group exercise room/party central

Kickoff Party

Kicking It Off with some Fun!!

The Trainers

Trainers encouraging us to try our best. My brother in law is the one with the microphone here.

Ready to Try

Not my best picture but I was a little excited when I left!

The Night Before the Challenge

Yesterday, as you can probably tell from my last post, was a pretty rotten day. My husband was laid off from work, again, and of course because we lost an income everything and it’s mother is going wrong. He needs new tires, my rear view mirror in my car is swinging like a pendulum for some unknown reason, we recently decided to convert our home from oil heat to gas heat and that costs thousands of dollars and we can’t push it off any longer because the oil is backing up into the house and making us sick when we run it and we have soot everywhere in our laundry room despite the fact that we are not even running the heat right now.

Tomorrow we start the weight loss challenge at our gym together. I want to be excited and maybe an itty bitty part of me is, but it is drowned out by voice in my head screaming through a megaphone, YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE! YOU ARE A LOSER AND YOU WERE STUPID TO SIGN UP FOR THIS CHALLENGE! YOU’RE GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO LAUGH AT YOU AT THE FINAL WEIGH IN! YOU ARE A LARD ASS!! Isn’t my inner world so wonderful?!

Eating healthy and exercising have always been a challenge for me. I have gotten into a routine of going to the gym regularly but my eating habits as of late have been atrocious. Basically I have used the excuse for the last two weeks that I am not going to be able to eat any of my favorite foods during this challenge so I might as well stock up now. I had my most favorite desert in the world tonight at TGI Friday’s; warm brownie covered in warm hot fudge, vanilla ice cream scoop on top and drizzled with warm caramel sauce and sprinkled with chopped pecans. My husband and I split it and it was soooo delicious.

Tomorrow starts salads and less calories and a miserable 8 weeks of denying myself everything I love all in the sake of health. My brother in law is head personal trainer at our gym and said he really wants my husband and I to win. He said this is about getting healthy permanently. I know this SHOULD be the goal but honestly I just want to win at least the prize at our gym which is $500 and ultimately the BIG prize which is $5,000 if you lose the biggest percentage out of ALL the gyms participating. I don’t WANT to give up pizza, chocolate, ketchup, and iced tea forever. I can do it for 8 weeks and maybe if I do my mind will change. We shall see.

Weigh in is tomorrow at 6pm EST. Wish me luck and if you have any delicious healthy recipes feel free to pass them along 🙂

Is my friendship worth $2.25

i-need-help-please

So today I did something that I don’t normally do which is to ask a favor of a friend. She is having a BBQ tomorrow and usually there is a lot of stuff to snack on. She had asked me to bring my spinach dip which we, and others, always rave about and love to eat. Normally this dip is served with either cubes of a thick crusty bread or some tortilla chips, depending on the budget that week. Being that I am trying to watch my blood sugar I cannot partake of said tortilla chips (the yummy bread was out of the budget this week). So I asked her if she could have some extra red peppers on hand so that I could still enjoy the dip with everyone. She offered carrots but those are also high in sugar (plus I just hate uncooked carrots. I am not Bugs Bunny!). She got a little defensive and I finally said I would just bring some myself and she thanked me.

Now on the one hand I could look at this like okay she’s having the BBQ and supplying the main dinner foods so asking her to buy me one pepper is going too far. But I mean seriously I wound up buying a bag of FIVE peppers for $2.25. And this is the same friend who, several years ago, invited me to go to the beach with her and two of her friends I never met. On the drive she saw me eating a candy bar and literally took it out of my hands and threw it out the car window and told me I didn’t need it. I’ve never told her how embarrassing that was for me or how much that hurt my feelings. I wasn’t even struggling with Diabetes back then, I was just overweight. I think she was trying to help but it really didn’t. Also the same friend has asked me to be accommodating when she had some medical issues going on and my husband and I were hosting parties. So I made sure there were things there for her to eat because that, to me, is what a friend does.

I asked my husband and my mother in law if I was overreacting and they both agreed that #1 they were proud of me for trying to stick to eating low carb and not just mindlessly eating what I’m used to and #2 that it was a little rude considering the accommodations I made for her in the past. But my mother in law also made the point that everyone is not me and everyone does not host the same. Some are sensitive to others’ needs and others just feel that everyone should just eat what is put in front of them and suck it up if you don’t like it.

I know that this post may seem petty right now. There are wars raging, people dying, and so many bigger things then this going on. But it take a lot for me to ask anyone for literally anything so although I was hurt I guess I did try and that is progress. One day at a time.