It’s Going To Be A Mental Game

Can I just say that I am grateful for my husband? This man is amazing and has the capacity to put up with so…much…whining. It’s day one of the fitness challenge I am in and I was completely intimidated by my workout routine my trainer gave me. I almost quit before I even started because it just seemed like too much. But my lovely, lovely husband made me go and told me to do my best. So off we went.

I whined, complained, said I was going to quit about 5 times, almost cried at one point, but still I finished. I had to replace one exercise with another and modify another exercise due to having zero core strength, but STILL I FINISHED. I ate semi-decently and even though I would LOVE a snack right now I know I’ve eaten slightly over my calories and that it’s a bad idea. My husband is right there with me and we are trying to distract ourselves with doing things like blogging and watching TV.

This challenge is going to be a mental game for me. How bad do I really want this? Am I ready to make the changes necessary to improve my health permanently? I guess only time will tell. Thanks for listening ❤

Kickoff Night

Well ladies and gents I just started my 56 day journey to getting healthier and eating better. I have included some pictures below of our first night together as a group below. It was definitely a party to kick this whole challenge off. We had a DJ, lights, balloons, the works! The trainers were definitely all hyped up on caffeine and energy drinks because it was getting late and they were still bouncing off the walls. My friend/brother in law came over and hugged me at one point and told me he was proud of me for trying this.

I am scared of failure. I am scared of eating my way out of all the work I’m going to do.  My trainer gave me a new workout schedule and holy smokes did it blow the top off the last one she gave me. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to be able to walk or function with the level these are at. But I guess I have to try. Wish Me Luck!!

The Plotting Begins

Here is where the trainers plotted before the challenge!

 

Kickoff Entrance

Entrance to the group exercise room/party central

Kickoff Party

Kicking It Off with some Fun!!

The Trainers

Trainers encouraging us to try our best. My brother in law is the one with the microphone here.

Ready to Try

Not my best picture but I was a little excited when I left!

Day Negative 14

So as I may (or may not) have mentioned before my husband and I signed up for an 8 week challenge at our gym. The person who loses the highest percentage of weight out of all the health clubs wins $5,000. The person who loses the highest percentage of weight at our club wins $500.

It is exactly 2 weeks before this challenge starts and I am FREAKING OUT!! I am trying to be positive, strong, motivated, etc. But really all I keep doing is stress eating because I’m already certain that I am going to fail at this challenge and be the only one who doesn’t lose weight and will probably gain weight. My husband keeps telling me not to stress about winning the whole thing and to focus on health. Technically he’s right but if you were inside my brain for even a day you would understand why this is so hard for me to accept right now.

My whole life my parents have pushed me to be the best, be #1, get straight A’s and never settle for anything less then perfection. Funny thing about perfection is that is never achievable (unless you are Jesus but alas I am not even close there). And also the striving for perfection makes you MISERABLE!! But yet that is what my brain in set on all day every day. My parents have passed away but I can still hear my mom in my head taunting me about being fat and never good enough as if she is standing in the room with me.

I have struggled with an eating disorder since I was 12 years old. Binge eating, Bulimia, attempted Anorexia (though I never DID achieve that perfect size 0 body I was looking for or even come close). And mostly that is behind me. But every once in awhile it creeps back up and starts whispering in my ear not to eat, to be ashamed when I do eat, and telling me I am a complete loser who will never measure up in anything I do.

The reason I signed up for this challenge is because I want to be healthier and frankly I don’t want to die in my fifties or even sixties. I am shooting for 100 but will be satisfied with 90. So instead of shoving one more cookie in my mouth or candy bar I am going to try to blog about my anxieties about this challenge and maybe even how I can overcome them. I am also going to try to blog as much as possible during the challenge to keep me motivated.  I apologize if this blog becomes boring over the next few months but this is the only way I know to be sane. Here’s hoping I can do this and do it well (but not perfect)! Wish me luck!

Do you have any tips for working out that are helpful?

What healthy eating plan do you follow? Any good recipes?