Merry Sickmas Everybody!

My husband has been sick since Thanksgiving. We both had sinus infections. Now we both have the flu. Fun times in the Hansen Household. We are calling ourselves the Contaminated Coughing Catastrophes.

I am sick of tissues with snot. I am tired of coughing. I am physically exhausted by the simplest things because I can barely get off the couch. Today was the first day neither of us woke up with a major fever. We decided to be brave and go get some groceries. Our short drive to and from the store and buying groceries took the same amount of effort I expect it takes mountain climbers to scale Everest. We were absolutely exhausted to say the least. My husband and I have rival teams for American Football (Me Philadelphia Eagles, Him New York Giants) and usually we watch separately so nobody has to be annoyed or frustrated with the other. We watched the game together because we were too tired to walk upstairs. Very pathetic I know. But my team did clinch the NFC East Championship so YAY!

We had Christmas with my brothers at my house on December 20th because my one brother was in from Michigan for my grandfather’s funeral. It was a quiet affair and I feel like I let everyone down because I was so stressed from work and trying to get stuff done as well as being depressed in general after losing my grandfather. Next year I will try to do a better job and be a better host.

Then my last day of work December 24th. Everyone else got to leave work at 2pm. I stayed until 5:30pm and then I was forced to leave so I could get to Christmas Eve dinner at my husband’s mother’s house. We had a nice but exhausting evening with everyone and then Christmas with his family was done.

Wake up on Christmas Day and my husband is running a 103 degree fever. Lovely. We opened our few gifts to each other and then spent the day watching movies and sleeping until we had to go to Christmas dinner at his mother’s house. We ate, we snuggled with my niece and nephew. We ignored the fact that their father wasn’t there because oh yeah there’s a pending divorce.

I know it’s probably because I’m sick and exhausted and depressed but I feel like the sun will never shine again in my life. That 2020 will just be another year of the same old same old. I know I sound bitter and resentful and ridiculous, but right now I’m not in a good head space. I missed going to an even I had been looking forward to since October because I was sick. We missed going to see the new Star Wars movie because we were both sick and had to return the tickets. This vacation was supposed to be fun and relaxing and instead it has been snotty and miserable.

I know technically laying around because I’m sick is considered “relaxing” but we all know sick relaxing and real relaxing are two totally different things.

I promise to try to make my next post a little more cheerful. Maybe…

 

 

Feeling Renewed

Hello friends! I have not been on here for quite a few days due to being on vacation with my husband. We went down to Wildwood which for those not in NJ is a beach and boardwalk area. We had gone down last year but it was a rough week and we did not have as much fun as we could have. I was in a bad place mentally but this year was so different.

This year I was more in shape then last year. I was able to walk up the four flights of stairs to our room with minimal huffing and puffing. My mood was much improved from last year too as I have been exercising more as of late. I was actually able to be in the moment and not focus on all the negative that I did last year. I was actually able to walk most of the boardwalk most nights with my husband and I enjoyed every single minute of it.

I went away with the intention of relaxing and I definitely did that. No schedule, no alarms, nowhere to be at any particular time. The sound of the waves, the breeze, the sun (minus the burns we both got), all of it restored my soul. I told my husband that prior to this trip I considered vacation to be a luxury but now I’m thinking it is a necessity for us. I am always terrified of spending my money and not saving it because what if there is a crisis and we wasted the money on a vacation.

But I learned on this trip that a vacation is not necessarily frivolous or a luxury. I mean in the grand scheme of things I guess it still a luxury. But I work hard daily helping others. I listen to their problems and unfortunately take some of them to heart. I work myself to the bone and I realized I need time to build myself up too. I need time to rejuvenate me and just enjoy being a blissfully married young woman with a loving husband. I needed time away from family and friend not because they are horrible or anything but just time to be us as a couple. I don’t think I really looked at my phone much at all while we were gone.

My heart is happy, my spirit renewed and I feel alive and blessed. I am actually looking forward to going back to work with a renewed sense of purpose and a clear head. Sometimes taking time for yourself really is the best thing you can do for others. If you are burnt out you are of no use to anyone.

Jeff and Me Shore 2018