Totally Bogus Theories On What Caused The Corona Virus

Hello Friends,

I am going stir crazy in my home as I practice social distancing so here are my COMPLETELY FAKE top ten theories of what caused the Corona Virus:

  1. All the introverts got together, had a meeting, and decided that they wanted extroverts to experience how uncomfortable we are in social situations.
  2. People who TRULY have OCD wanted the rest of us to get a taste of what it feels like to be scared of germs or to leave your home.
  3.  The makers of Zoom, Whatsapp, and other meeting apps needed a sales boost and so created the virus to force us to stay home and use them.
  4. Somebody playing the game called LIFE accidentally hit reset and now we have to build back up to whatever level we were at.
  5. This is what happens if Neo took the other pill in The Matrix movie.
  6. The makers of Clorox, Purell, and Lysol needed a boost in sales so they manufactured this virus, then made the cure (at least for surfaces).
  7. A group of scientists made some new medications for anxiety and depression and needed a large sample for human trials.
  8. All the bosses of the world got together to PROVE you really don’t want to work from home every day.
  9. The teachers of the world were tired of all the abuse they take for the little pay they make and cooked this up so parents could see how it is in fact NOT easy to educate their children and get anything else done. All parents in turn demand that teachers be given a six figure salary.
  10. Mother Earth was tired of all the abuse she was taking and forced us all to go inside and take a time out.

If you have any interesting and fun theories, please share them below. NO POLITICAL CONSPIRACY THEORIES. I’m trying to keep this fun and light.

Falling Off The Face Of The Earth, And Climbing Back On

I know it has been roughly 2 weeks since I last wrote a blog. Things have been hectic around here at home and I have been so stressed that I could barely get myself through the door and onto the couch most nights. So here is a recap of what’s been going on.

I have all but quit the Edge Challenge. I was so excited. I thought this would finally make a difference for me. But sadly a few blows to my self-esteem occurred, along with a doubled workload at work (naturally without an increase in pay), and then I decided to take a group exercise class and hurt my back so I’ve been unable to workout since last Saturday. I also decided (stupidly) that I would go to the first weigh in for the challenge and found out I had only lost 0.6 pounds. After almost 2 weeks of busting my ass at the gym. Then yesterday the standings came out and a bunch of people have already lost 8% of their body weight so I feel like why should I bother trying? I’m going to wind up a loser just like I always am.

My trainer, Morgan, said we are going to have a chat tonight when I go to the gym (if I go to the gym). I know she’s going to be all peppy and tell me not to quit but I honestly feel like what’s the point anymore? This has been a battle I have been fighting with myself since I was six years old and discovered my love of all things chocolate. Why is this so freaking hard. The pounds pack on so easily, why is it so hard to get them off? Why is this such a freaking emotional battle?

Food is a friend who has turned into an enemy. Food is comforting, it takes away my pain, and it makes me feel better when I’m stressed out and just want to stop feeling my feelings for five minutes because they are so intense I can’t take it. But then after comes the shame and the guilt and the feelings of failure. So that brief reprieve is followed by hours of guilt and body shaming.

Is there an end to this? I don’t know. Tonight I went to Cold Stone Creamery, which is an ice cream place near me, to have ice cream tacos. This is why I am up at 4:30am instead of sleeping. I would like to just get outside my body for one day and be able to objectively look at myself and my life and figure out a way to help myself and stop beating the shit out myself. Can someone please invent a machine that does that?!

My doc increased my depression meds and gave me B-12 shots to take every 2 weeks to boost my energy levels. I’m hoping it helps. I just feel like I have no more hope at all. Life is going to be this endless cycle of feeling bad, working to get by, and never truly being happy at all. Mental illness is a bitch and I hate it with my whole being. But I will keep trying to fight the good fight.

Ta Ta For Now

 

Am I A Defective Product?

Today after work I was reading a magazine article in Marie Claire magazine. I don’t subscribe to it but my father in law always gets free offers for magazines for doing surveys so I wind up with a lot of them.

This article was one page, and talked about three different women who are already executives or higher-ups in their companies. But apparently this is only the tip of the iceberg of achievement. All three women have done something else on the side that has taken off exponentially. While I admire that drive and creativity, I had a few small problems with the story.

One woman described her schedule as working all day, leaving work to get in a workout, spending time with her husband and kids before working on what I’ll call her second job. She is quoted as saying that if a client needs her at 3am she gets up and answers the phone. Super Woman personified! We should all aspire to be her, right? Eh, maybe not.

My problem is that this is not realistic for your average woman. I don’t even have kids (well my husband acts like one from time to time, but that is a blog for another time!) and I am exhausted by the time I get done work, do a workout, clean around my house, and make dinner. I need some down time to recharge my batteries, reset my brain and just give the world a rest for a few hours.

My second problem with this article builds off of the first. These women are being held up as ideals for women to strive for. It’s as if the magazine/article is saying “Look ladies you CAN have it all. They did it! Why aren’t you? What’s wrong with your lazy butt?” Isn’t it enough of an achievement that these ladies broke through the glass ceiling and became tops in their respective fields on top of being wives and mothers? But apparently not. It’s like success is not enough anymore, you have to keep piling on….and on…and on.  When is enough, enough?

Tonight I just want to say to all the mamas, papas, sisters, brothers, friends, and families out there: YOU ARE ENOUGH!! Stop trying to kill yourself for an ideal that very few reach and even if they do, they are probably so exhausted that they can’t enjoy it. If you want to strive for more, do it, but do it because YOU want to.

Much love, hugs, and kitten kisses to all of you (or puppy kisses if you prefer)!

 

Dementors Are All Around

I have noticed a lot of deaths by suicide lately. As a worker in the field of mental health this is very disturbing to me. As a person with depression I get it. I see the appeal. Days, weeks, months, years of mental torture, public stigma, gallons and gallons of medication that never quite make you feel normal. And you could end it all in an instant. One action to end all the pain. But then there are those you’ve left behind. And they are left with shattered hearts, feelings of guilt for not knowing (because we who are depressed and anxious often hide it well from the world, at least until we can’t anymore).

My heart aches for all these families who have lost incredible people both celebrities and those we will never meet. I wish, just like in Harry Potter, I could send out an endless supply of chocolate to chase away the dementors that plague others. For those who have not read the series, dementors are creatures that suck the soul out of someone and when they are around intense feelings of sadness, hopelessness and despair are felt.

We need to connect with one another. Not over Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. We need to turn the computer off and physically go and talk to people and REALLY listen instead of just waiting for a chance to get our two cents in the conversation. There is too much me me me lately instead of we and us.

Please spread some love today. You could literally save a life.

HOPE

Feeling Renewed

Hello friends! I have not been on here for quite a few days due to being on vacation with my husband. We went down to Wildwood which for those not in NJ is a beach and boardwalk area. We had gone down last year but it was a rough week and we did not have as much fun as we could have. I was in a bad place mentally but this year was so different.

This year I was more in shape then last year. I was able to walk up the four flights of stairs to our room with minimal huffing and puffing. My mood was much improved from last year too as I have been exercising more as of late. I was actually able to be in the moment and not focus on all the negative that I did last year. I was actually able to walk most of the boardwalk most nights with my husband and I enjoyed every single minute of it.

I went away with the intention of relaxing and I definitely did that. No schedule, no alarms, nowhere to be at any particular time. The sound of the waves, the breeze, the sun (minus the burns we both got), all of it restored my soul. I told my husband that prior to this trip I considered vacation to be a luxury but now I’m thinking it is a necessity for us. I am always terrified of spending my money and not saving it because what if there is a crisis and we wasted the money on a vacation.

But I learned on this trip that a vacation is not necessarily frivolous or a luxury. I mean in the grand scheme of things I guess it still a luxury. But I work hard daily helping others. I listen to their problems and unfortunately take some of them to heart. I work myself to the bone and I realized I need time to build myself up too. I need time to rejuvenate me and just enjoy being a blissfully married young woman with a loving husband. I needed time away from family and friend not because they are horrible or anything but just time to be us as a couple. I don’t think I really looked at my phone much at all while we were gone.

My heart is happy, my spirit renewed and I feel alive and blessed. I am actually looking forward to going back to work with a renewed sense of purpose and a clear head. Sometimes taking time for yourself really is the best thing you can do for others. If you are burnt out you are of no use to anyone.

Jeff and Me Shore 2018