The Night Before the Challenge

Yesterday, as you can probably tell from my last post, was a pretty rotten day. My husband was laid off from work, again, and of course because we lost an income everything and it’s mother is going wrong. He needs new tires, my rear view mirror in my car is swinging like a pendulum for some unknown reason, we recently decided to convert our home from oil heat to gas heat and that costs thousands of dollars and we can’t push it off any longer because the oil is backing up into the house and making us sick when we run it and we have soot everywhere in our laundry room despite the fact that we are not even running the heat right now.

Tomorrow we start the weight loss challenge at our gym together. I want to be excited and maybe an itty bitty part of me is, but it is drowned out by voice in my head screaming through a megaphone, YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE! YOU ARE A LOSER AND YOU WERE STUPID TO SIGN UP FOR THIS CHALLENGE! YOU’RE GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO LAUGH AT YOU AT THE FINAL WEIGH IN! YOU ARE A LARD ASS!! Isn’t my inner world so wonderful?!

Eating healthy and exercising have always been a challenge for me. I have gotten into a routine of going to the gym regularly but my eating habits as of late have been atrocious. Basically I have used the excuse for the last two weeks that I am not going to be able to eat any of my favorite foods during this challenge so I might as well stock up now. I had my most favorite desert in the world tonight at TGI Friday’s; warm brownie covered in warm hot fudge, vanilla ice cream scoop on top and drizzled with warm caramel sauce and sprinkled with chopped pecans. My husband and I split it and it was soooo delicious.

Tomorrow starts salads and less calories and a miserable 8 weeks of denying myself everything I love all in the sake of health. My brother in law is head personal trainer at our gym and said he really wants my husband and I to win. He said this is about getting healthy permanently. I know this SHOULD be the goal but honestly I just want to win at least the prize at our gym which is $500 and ultimately the BIG prize which is $5,000 if you lose the biggest percentage out of ALL the gyms participating. I don’t WANT to give up pizza, chocolate, ketchup, and iced tea forever. I can do it for 8 weeks and maybe if I do my mind will change. We shall see.

Weigh in is tomorrow at 6pm EST. Wish me luck and if you have any delicious healthy recipes feel free to pass them along 🙂